Two years later...

My hoppin' to walkin' story:

These three pictures all have one thing in common. Well, besides the dressing gown... and the location.... and the hair and makeup... and how chubby I was (the whole no exercise thing really wasn't going in my favour!)... Okay, there all clearly on the same day! But the one thing in common in them is I was paralysed here. See, my first thought when I see these pictures is 'aww how sad... Even being a cripple couldn't stop my vanity needs!' Which is very, very true to be fair but I understand that isn't everybody's first thought- mostly along the lines of 'how did that happen?' And 'but how does she look normal there?' The answer I'd like to reply to the second question is- because I'm not miserable but somehow I don't think people would take too kindly to that eh? 

This was almost 2 years ago! it is that far of a distant memory now that it doesn't seem real... until i stumble and then it does of course!. In those pictures above i was actually in hospital then- posing from my hosspy single room how normal i am!. This was either the day before- or a few days before i got told - on May 11th 2012 - that i'd never walk again or regain full sensation back in my hands. I'm not gonna lie my first thought about the hand thing wasn't 'oh no! i'll never write, draw or hold things again' nopeeee mines was more like 'oh no! how will i do my makeup, hair and go shopping now!' it was a prioritise situation and those came out on top!. When your in that "situation" and, i don't know if it is just because i'm a young, hormonal and supposed to be boy mad teenager or what but i did think a lot about 'how will i ever pull a guy now!' and 'nobody will ever want this' and to be fair to my extremely vain, messed up prioritising self, it was one of my motivations to walk again- that and the massive sympathy shopping spree i was in dyer need of asap!. After that if guys payed me any attention i clinged on to it because i was really scared of being alone- weird right? At a time i should have been scared of what my future in walking holds i was more  worried about where i could get a cheeky wee winch! i do worry about my priorities sometimes i have to admit. 


The backstory of all this really is i was in hospital for a month for an unlucky chain of events really! what started as getting hospitalised for a sickness bug turned into 2 weeks of a septic throat and tonsillitis, got discharged and was back in two days later with sickness again! This lasted another 2 weeks before they realised i had inflammation from my throat to my stomach- i was literally hot stuff eh! So yeah, due to not being able to eat nor drink in both situations i lost like, 1 and a half stone and was of course very weak. My walking started to deteriorate over the course of a week as did my hands. One day i woke up in the hospital bed and fell to the floor- major dignity loosing moment people! Took 2 of them to get my fat ass off the floor because i literally had nothing left to give, not one body part could assist in getting me, this huge lump, off the floor.  Mum told the doctors that my walking was bad and they just put it down as being really weak from basically starvation which did seem plausible! by this stage i understandably just wanted to get home- and it went all downhill from there. 

Within a week i was confined to the couch and stayed that way for SEVEN weeks! I couldn't stand never mind walk my mum had to full force lift me up because i couldn't do it. My mum even had to come downstairs during the night if my fleecy covers slipped down because my hands where that bad i couldn't even pull up the cover! she bent all the cutlery as well to make food stick better as i struggled to feed myself, too. Sitting on the same chair, in the same room of the same house was obviously very depressing- i mean, everyone loves lazy days but thats just pushing it!. During this time i also got a weird leg infection that i was on antibiotics for up to 2 weeks but it looked yucky so my GP admitted me to hospital for the leg infection but the fact i was basically paralysed - and was - didn't seem to matter- unbelievable. In hospital just like i suspected my leg just looked bad it wasn't infected so i signed myself out. By this time after MANY attempts to contact my neurologist she finally pulled through and admitted me to the southern general- but for the yucky legs!! Honestly, is the fact i'm siting on a chair unable to move not obvious enough?. Whats worse is, they didn't even provide an ambulance to take me there!! We had to pay for a taxi and this meant 3 family members pulling me down my front steps in the wheelchair. 

People see me now and when i mention i was paralysed they give me that look as if to say 'drama queen' which to be fair, i usually am one! but believe me, this time, there was no exaggeration!.

After the hospital stay, which i signed myself out from the day i got told the unfortunate news against doctors wishes- hardcore!. When i got home i wasn't fazed by this awful situation i was in- instead i just felt such a strong stubbornness in wanting to prove the doctor wrong! I gained strength i never knew i had and determination i thought only Liam Neeson could have in Taken- like really, when he had that phonecall, he wasn't messing eh!. Within a week i had tackled the stairs for the first time and my daily exercise was with my hugely uncool zimmer! honestly, i have no dignity left after this!. Physio came to the house twice and was more interested in teaching me how to sit down gracefully than actually helping me to walk! - just for the record i still do not sit down gracefully nor do i intend to!. Was just me and mum, on our lonesomes kicking cripple ass together wooo! I obviously couldn't have done it without my wee mum in all fairness.

Moving swiftly on! these days i'm a walking talking nutter! i count the day i was able to walk uphill, in the wind, carrying a handbag as one of my proudest achievements- once i did that i knew i'd made it.
I walk like i'm drunk and some days are better than others but i am walking nethertheless. I encourage people around me to LAUGH at my stumbles because it is funny and if someone where drunk and walking like i, you would naturally laugh so i am no different! It is funny, don't feel awkward.. i like to think of myself as a 'cripple with swagger' ha! As you can see making light of my situation with humour has gotten me through it all- and i'm just naturally not a self-pitying person, too.

I'm now hoping to go to college and get on with my life and am currently catching up on my painfully missed social life. I feel pretty confident now! not the "omg i'm amazing' confidence but a self-belief type of confidence- i'm in a good place and back to the personality i was before which i thought at one point would;t be mentally achievable. I'm no longer clingy or dependant on others too I am fiercely in dependant. As for my hands my writing is normal now and obviously the fact i'm typing this mission of a read- there pretty normal too. I'm a bit weak in the hands though, opening up a bottle of irn bru can sometimes feel like trying to undo the tier of hugh hefners houseooat-  impossible!. 

So yeah, 2 years on and i am back to my gobby self. I do hope my story reaches out to some people in some sort of way but i'm not a very good role model if you know me in person- far from it i'm sure people would agree! haha. Maybe in another 2 years i'll be at rio getting my usain bolt on! .... Or at home, still staying with mum, lazing about.... think we know which one is a more truthful account... never did like running anyway even when i had functioning legs! 

Thanks for reading this bible!